Wig Killer Contest

This mornings call to my oncologist nurse went something like this:

“Hi, it’s me again, Maria.  Two of the kids at my children’s day care have the Chicken Pox and I was wondering if it was safe for me or them to go there.  Both of my children had the Chicken Pox vaccine.  I kept them away from day care today but tomorrow night is my sons Christmas Concert and I wanted to know what I should/shouldn’t do.

Turns out, the kids should be fine and as long as I don’t hug kids with scabs all over their bodies, I should be fine too since I did have a mild case of the chicken pox when I was a kid.  Hurray!

So today I got some unexpected news.

The principal at my children’s school, wants our family to light the Advent Candles at mass tomorrow night.  I was a bit reluctant to say yes, but Frick is all for it.  You know, she practices every Sunday, lighting candles and praying at our church for Kay, people we know who have passed away, and even Chimo, my friend’s dead dog.  (He’s a regular).  Yes, she does not want to miss the opportunity to light the pink candle on the alter (there are 3 purple ones, but she wants the pink one).  So how can I say no?

You know what that now means?  That means I get to wear my $600 wig and fake $500 climate controlled boobie too.  I’m going to be worth over $1000 going walking down the aisle, and that’s without any clothes or jewellery on!  Wow!  That’s something.  I’d better find some clothes for this special occasion.  I saw some really nice Coco Channel outfits on Fashion Television today, but I don’t think I can order one in time for tomorrow.

I have actually resisted wearing my wig because I am afraid that I will kill it.  There is a special rule that you must abide by, whilst wearing “THE WIG”.  And I am terrified that I may break it, and destroy that lovely, synthetic hair.  What do you think are the chances of one of my family members lighting up my hair tomorrow night?  That would be a Mass no one would ever likely forget.

Do you know the #1 cause of killing a wig?

And No,  the #1 Killer of wigs is not “Being lit afire by a candle.”

Nice try.

Keep thinking.

I got invite to my Principal’s house for our Christmas Social Party.  I’m ahead of everyone  and already have my Secret Santa gift!  And if my family does light my wig on fire, I’m going to box it, gift-wrap it, and put it in the Secret Santa Gift pile instead of what was originally planned.  Just thought you might want to know.

And now….the answer to The #1 Cause of killing a wig is……Opening an oven door!  It will singe the wig and it would probably not be reconstructable as a result.  (and watch out for those hot dishwashers too).  I don’t have one, so that’s not an issue for me.


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