Side Effects, Here I Come

Why is my tongue white?

And more importantly, why do I still have armpit hair?

There is more 2 inch armpit hair underneath that one arm than on my whole head.

Nuts.

I feel like a lizard.

Actually, I look kind of like that woman on that Scary Movie Part 3? film.

You know the one.  With dark circles under her eyes and the priest is going to perform an exorcism on her and she keeps sticking out her tongue at him.  That scene is the best.  Had me in hysterics.  I just know I could play her part and win an oscar.  I wouldn’t need make-up or anything.

———————————————–

 

I still haven’t gained the 12 pounds my doctor promised me.  Fluid retention?

I am eating lots of cookies.   I have no excuse.

Kam, one of my older students makes the best cookies.  I didn’t know that until now.  He could start his own business.  I’d buy them.

I am always thirsty.  The other night I had over 4 cups of water just before I went to bed and then I woke up to find my lips pasty dry.  And that was after I lubricated them with tons of lip balm.  I just couldn’t seem to get enough water.  Slopped on more moisturizer too, but my skin is absorbing everything.

When I was on the FEC medication, I would freeze when my blood counts started dropping sometime around days 6-13.  In order to cope, I had hot water bottles on my feet, one of those magic bean things that you heat in the microwave on my hands, and an electric heater right by my bed.  The only real problem I experienced was that one night I fell asleep with the heater blasting warm air on my face and boy was my face toasty red when I finally woke up in the morning.  Lucky I didn’t burn the house down.

This time, on taxotere, I got something like electric shocks going through my body when my blood counts were low.  Not sure which one I enjoyed more.

I have been using some of that hardening nail polish the doctor gave me.  But my nails are so dry, the polish just peels off like onion skin when I touch it.  Very weird.

I’ve been very cranky today, but I just soaked in lavender epson salts, rehydrated my body and feel like a new person!

So I have decided that I am going travelling.  I am going to crank up that Visa card and have the time of my life.  That’s right.  I am going to go search for art treasures in Italy and do plenty of sight-seeing along the way.  Yes, I know I am suppose to go back to work on April 5, and none of you had better rat me out.

I think my passport is due to expire very soon.

So do I go there to get a picture taken with or without my wig?

More importantly, will the Canadian Embassy let me back in when I return?

I heard about a woman in Somalia? or Africa who everyone thought was an impostor and she couldn’t get back into Canada without DNA testing.  Can that happen to me too?

And what about these new body scans in Europe that I’ve been reading about in the newspaper?

Will they see that I have a fake boobie and arrest me because there is liquid gel in there and they have to make sure it isn’t a plastic explosive device?

These are very important  questions?  I may have to ask my MP for the answers.

Good thing he only lives about 5 houses away from me.

 

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