Trouble With The Priest

When I was little, I never walked straight.  People who walked with me would eventually end up on the curb on one side of the street, change places with me and end up on the other side of the street.  This would continue until we got to our destination.  I also had poor posture, which didn’t get better as I aged.  My heavy purse, which was always strung across my right shoulder, didn’t help.  And what really ruined my posture was when I had my left breast removed as it shifted my weight considerably, again on the right side.

However, after my painful spine surgery, I, for once in my life had the best posture ever.  My back is so straight.  I feel so tall.  I am taller than my sisters, and I have to say, I was pretty smug on Saturday when I went to pick up my kids from Chinese Math school, because I felt like a towering giant in comparisons to all the little people out there.  Life seemed good. But not for long.

I was relatively happy about my new, straight posture, until I went to church on Sunday and got yelled at by the priest.

Yes, that’s right.

During receiving the host, no less.

I was mortified.

The story goes like this.

I went to receive the Eucharist and while in line, was momentary distracted (because I was searching for my daughter who was an alter server).  Usually I can’t see her because the choir sits on one side of a huge organ, and she sits on the other.  So I made eye contact with her and she smiled.  Unfortunately, it was my turn to receive the host and I guess I didn’t get close enough to the priest who yelled, “COME CLOSER”.  I immediately took a step closer.  I guess I didn’t look humble enough or something because then he shouted, “BEND YOUR SHOULDERS”.

Shocked and embarrassed, I did what I was told.  “Oh crap,” I thought, “I’m going to need one of those Oxycontin pills after this”.

And I did, just as soon as I got home.

So much for good posture.

So much for staying away from those pills.

I am destined to become a drug addict.

All because of a priest.

Next week I’ll be taking 2 pills before communion.



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