I haven’t written in a long time.
I wanted to write about this for a while, but I wasn’t really sure what to say without giving what I had to say justice.
Over the last couple of months, it has been really, really hard for me to get over feeling like a cancer victim. Physically, this last episode of “this journey” has almost cost me my spirit. The spinal surgery almost did me in. I would wake up in so much pain I didn’t want to go on. I didn’t want to suffer as I had seen others suffer of cancer in their final stages and was trying to think of a better way to die. I was hoping that my heart problems would kill me first.
I know what it feels like to be in total despair.
At times like this I would cry and cry and cry. And when I was all spent from crying I would ask God what he wanted me to do because I was at a loss. Then I would pick up the bible and ask him to guide me. I never did this often, just when I really and truly needed it.
The last two times I was guided to a passage about Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. And then about 2 weeks ago I read a passage from Luke 7. It spoke about when Jesus performed miracles. He made the blind see. He cleansed leapers. He even saved a man’s servant from death. And at the end of the passage it read, “Those who believe and have faith will be saved.” “That’s going to be me,” I thought. And ever since then I have felt better than I have ever felt before. I will be healthy. I have to be.