Good Friday

I haven’t written in a long time.

I wanted to write about this for a while, but I wasn’t really sure what to say without giving what I had to say justice.

Over the last couple of months, it has been really, really hard for me to get over feeling like a cancer victim.  Physically, this last episode of “this journey” has almost cost me my spirit.  The spinal surgery almost did me in.   I would wake up in so much pain I didn’t want to go on.  I didn’t want to suffer as I had seen others suffer of cancer in their final stages and was trying to think of a better way to die.  I was hoping that my heart problems would kill me first.

I know what it feels like to be in total despair.

At times like this I would cry and cry and cry.  And when I was all spent from crying I would ask God what he wanted me to do because I was at a loss.  Then I would pick up the bible and ask him to guide me.  I never did this often, just when I really and truly needed it.

The last two times  I was guided to a passage about Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead.  And then about 2 weeks ago I read a passage from Luke 7.  It spoke about when Jesus performed miracles.  He made the blind see.  He cleansed leapers.  He even saved a man’s servant from death.  And at the end of the passage it read, “Those who believe and have faith will be saved.”  “That’s going to be me,” I thought.  And ever since then I have felt better than I have ever felt before.  I will be healthy.  I have to be.



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