Dear Stars…Your Secret is Safe With Me

We often go to the market to buy our groceries.  Sometimes, when we are there, we see “celebrities”…ie:  William Shatner, Eddie Shack, blah blah blah.  Most of the time, I don’t even know they are there unless someone point blank tells me who they are.  ‘Cause really, I don’t care.

A few weeks ago, I went to a vendor and picked up some pomegranate seeds in a container.  Some tall guy beside me said, “Do you know how to get the seeds out?”  “Yes,” I answered.  “You put them under water… but I still manage to stain my clothes”.   “Actually, you get the back of a spoon, and hit it”.  I gave him an “Are you kidding me?” look.  He smiled.  The vendor looked at me and said, “You should listen to him.  Don’t you know who he is?”  “Nope, can’t say I do”, I answered.  “Why he’s the galloping gourmet”, he said.

I still bought my pomegranate seeded in the container.  In fact, I bought two.

The following week, I picked up 3 whole pomegranates, whacked the hell out of them with the back of a spoon, like the tall guy told me and, voila!  He was right.  As soon as I peeled back the skin, the little seeds just spilled out effortlessly.  “Cool”, I thought.  I gotta tell everyone this trick.  I still got stains in my clothes though!  And do I know who the guy (chef) was that told me that trick?  Nope.  I haven’t got a clue.  Maybe some day I will see him on the food network or something.

I have come to the unhappy conclusion that when it comes to Celebrity Stars, I am truly totally clueless.  Ever since I had kids, I only watch around two TV shows a week… Desperate Housewives and Grey’s Anatomy.  I did see Dr. Yang and George at some soap opera event at Disney World a few years ago, but I only knew who they were because it was advertised all over the place, and they were signing autographs in a designated corner.  If I had met any of them on the street, their celebrity status would be safe with me.

Several years ago, I used to go to a bar called the Loose Moose with my friends.  One time when I was there, a really big guy stepped on my foot.  I was incensed because it hurt like hell.  Stupid jerk.  While I was muttering away under my breath shaking my fist at his disappearing body, a guy next to me said, “Don’t you know who that was?”  “Nope. All I know is that he stepped on my foot and he didn’t even apologize”, I muttered.   “Why that’s Wendell Clark?” he told me.   I shrugged my shoulders and gave him a questioning look.  “You know, the Toronto Maple Leaf hockey player, Wendell Clark?”.  Don’t care.  Stupid jerk should watch where is is going.

According to my husband, Wendell apparently used to frequent that bar  with another hockey player who used to pick up really young chicks.

Another time, long, long ago, I was at the Loose Moose with another friend of mine from University.  She wanted me to go to a bar with her because her husband had left her for another woman.  We went to my old hang-out, the Loose Moose.

I remember sitting down talking to someone at the bar who looked a lot like Kirstie Alley.  I must have talked to her for at least 1/2 an hour about  my friend who was determined to save her marriage, regardless of what her husband had done.  She basically told me to tell her not to waste any more time on him.  He wasn’t worth it.  I agreed.  Later, the rest of her party approached us.  She introduced me to a guy named Bobo who looked remarkably like Parker Stevenson and another couple.  Odd, I thought.  Weird name.  He looks familiar.  Very handsome.  Neat eyes.

The next day I was talking to my cousin from Australia, who said, “You idiot.  Don’t you know that Kirstie Alley is married to Parker Stevenson”.  Nope, can’t say I knew that.  Holy shit.  I am an idiot.  Not sure I would have had that conversation with her had I known she was really Kirstie Alley.  I think I would have been “Star struck”.

Two summers ago, when I went to Mont Tremblant with my cousin from Australia (whom I will call Boo) and my kids, she pointed out some celebrities (Michael Douglas and Rita Zita Jones… or something like that).  Do ya think I would have known that on my own?  No way!  I am oblivious to anyone famous.

You think I would recognize the Pope if he was standing 2 feet away from me?  Well, I didn’t know the Cardinal either.

And he came to my church today.

And I think I kind of interrupted an interview he was having with someone at a hidden, secluded spot of the church outside.

I just kind of came around the bend with my Tim Horton’s coffee and bang, the next thing I knew, I was in the middle of an awkward situation.  The guy dressed in black gave me a quizzical look and tried to continue to talk to a “reporter” armed with a recording device.  Didn’t know who he really was until I saw him on the alter all dressed up in red… with a Pope hat and very large crooked wooden stick.  At least I think it was him.  I don’t really know for sure because I was sitting in the back and my eyesights not so good.

I think I may have inadvertently interrupted the Cardinal today folks (or some other important religious figure).

Opps.

Like I said.  If you are famous, your secret is safe with me!

And I can just hear my cousin Boo say as she is reading this blog…

“YOU ARE SUCH A DAG”.

 

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