Organs are Clear

I went to see my oncologist today and he was actually there. I said, “Who is this stranger in the room?” Might it be my oncologist?”  “Where’s my organic muffins?”, he piped in. “I’m not making them any more, I told him, “Ever since I went to see my family doctor and she told me I was fat. Apparently I gained 10 pounds since the last time I saw her.” “Did you tell her that you were on chemo? he answered. “Yes,” and then she said something like…”Will it’s not going to matter soon anyway”. (I think she meant I am going to become a skeleton down the road when this disease progresses). I told him I was not too happy coming out of there and have not made a muffin since. He told me that that does not happen to all breast cancer patients. I don’t think he was happy either and may write a note to her to tell her to lay off about my weight so I can start making muffins again. He said that someone bought Tim Horton donuts today and they were on a counter in the other room and he didn’t need that. I told him my muffins were healthier than the donuts someone brought in. What I really should have told him was that if my condition gets worse and I am in a lot of pain, I’ll be making some special magic brownies instead, and he will be welcome to having some of those too! In fact, I could make some for the whole oncology department.  Ha ha!

I was suppose to have a mammogram today (which was ordered by my surgeon), but then I was told that since I already had a CT Scan last week, it was not necessary. He said, “I personally have never had a breast mammogram, but I heard it’s rather painful and they squish it”. “That’s right”, I told him. “It’s not fun. I never wanted to go to that appointment today anyway so I will just go over the Mount Sinai and cancel it after I get my shot in the stomach.”

“All is good”, he told me. “Your organs are clear.” That’s good”, I told him, “Because I thought I had a tumour in my neck and was expecting to be radiated today.” I proceeded to tell him my sordid tale. I think I entertain them all there.  The nut bar who brings in the muffins is here today…wonder what she is going to tell us today?


My oncologist has a new woman associate (I think the mexican guy went back home). She seems very nice too. I haven’t got a name for her yet…just give me time. I go back in 4 weeks for my Xgeva shot and I see her because my oncologist is going to Ottawa for something.


My kids seems to be adjusting to their new school pretty well. Frack has been rather perplexed in the morning because he is not used to choosing his own clothes. “Can you find me something to wear, mommy?” he asked me today. He is so used to wearing that costume over there (I call it their Tim Horton’s uniform) that he is dumbfounded that he doesn’t have to do this anymore. And Frick… well she is over the moon about being able to wear real clothes and has been anticipating a shopping spree to suit her up-coming style (shopping is the carrot I dangled over her nose to try to convince her to leave her old school, what can I say?).

Frick misses her friends, but seems to have found some nice kids to hang around with. She was a bit concerned that everyone would be smarter than her. Fortunately, they were learning about conversion in math and she was able to help some of her group members because she knew how to do it.  I think that made her feel better.

What I found most amusing yesterday was that Frack came home with a book in his hands and he told me and Frick to BE QUIET as we drove home because he had to read. I wondered who that kid was sitting in the back seat. Another good thing was that he actually ate some of his lunch too. Things are looking good.

A good friend from my support group last night told me to go buy a lottery ticket, which I did…so next week if I’m blogging you from some sunny beach destination, you’ll know that I won. Oh, and Mouzos told me she’s coming too.  My husband, however, won’t be joining us…because he will be at the happiest place on earth. Where might that be, you ask? Disneyland, of course! My husband never grew up!


Tears of Joy

Today I drove home crying again from one of my appointments, but this time it was tears of joy. Thank God and thank all the people who were praying for me. You won’t believe this one. I am still in shock.

I went to my CT Simulation for Radiation Appointment expecting to be fitted with my very own personalized Goalie Mask for my upcoming radiation treatment on Friday. We were late. I say we because I woke up at 5:30 this morning and had a panic attack and asked Bobo not to go to work and come to this appt with me. We left late because I had to make sure Frick and Frack got across the street safely to go to their new school, St. Andrews (yeah!).

This was the first time I was suppose to get radiation done at Sunnybrook, the last 6 were at PMH. We kind of got lost at the Odette Centre, and I was getting fretful because we were running late. Bobo said it didn’t matter anyway. What was the rush? Was I in a hurry to learn that I was dying? “Good point” I told him.  I asked him what he told his boss about not showing up at work this morning. He said he told him he was married to Frankensteins Bride or something like that and there was something sticking out of my neck. I had to laugh at that one, but his boss said that wasn’t very nice.

We got lost in the Odette Centre (went to 3 different places before we found the right one) and were about 15 minutes late. Sat in the waiting room for another 10 minutes and then the French Lady (my doctors associate who newly arrived from Quebec) called me in. Sat us down and said in broken English, “Your MRI from 2 weeks ago showed that there was something on the C5 vertebrae of your neck, but the MRI we just did this week says it is not cancer”.

“WHAT?” I said, thinking I needed to get my hearing check because I could have sworn she said that the spot on my neck wasn’t cancer. “It’s not cancer”, she said again. I swear I went into shock. My jaw dropped to the ground. Still thinking I wasn’t hearing right, I turned to Bobo who looked at me and said, “See, it’s nothing”. And that’s when it hit me.  Flabbergasted I asked her “Well if it isn’t cancer, then what the heck is it?”.  It’s a spongy thing with tenticles. Then she said something about arthritis and degenerative and that’s about all I got out of her because then she said, I could go home now.

I am still trying to process this information. The last time I had spoken to this woman she told me that I needed another MRI, that I had a spot on my neck (C5) that was probably cancerous (given my history), and that they were going to treat it as aggressively as possible with radiation. I was to have another MRI and a CT Simulation Planning session to be followed with radiation treatments a few days later. No where in this conversation did I hear that there was even the remotest possibility that it wasn’t cancer. In fact, when you read the report that rhymes off all the metastatic tumours in my spine (T1, T3, T11, S1,S2, L1 and L2) and all the radiation spots which I am sure are still glowing, no wonder the technician concluded it was probably just another one. Honestly, I would thought the same thing.  However, the anxiety I went through, thinking I had to have radiation in my neck and what if they missed and hit a vocal chord and I what if I couldn’t talk afterwards, and what if my esophagus closed up and it was adversely affected.   Still want to talk, sing, and eat folks!  It really, really, hasn’t been a good 2 weeks worrying about this and the plight of my children.

“So what am I suppose to do about the spongy tentacle thing because my neck is really hurting?” I asked. “I don’t know”, she said. “Go see your family doctor”, she answered.

And you know what Bobo said when we were walking back to the car? “Good thing you aren’t suicidal, or you wouldn’t have been around to hear the good news.”

lotto ticket:vacation

V is for Victory

Our prayers were answered.  The issue  re:  my kids has been resolved.

All I can say is that “It’s Private and Confidential”… if you know what I mean.

My two earlier blogs which I posted on the week-end were deleted.


MRI tonight at 1:30 a.m.  Good thing they called me this evening, ’cause I thought it was for tomorrow at 1:30.

CT scan (thorax/lung) came back okay.  There was something about spotting a bit of damage in a cavity between my lungs (due to radiation).

They still haven’t completed the abdomen/pelvis report on my chart which is kind of weird because it (thorax) was done at the same time.  Wondering why is wasn’t posted on “My Chart” which is a site where patients can look at their reports at Sunnybrook.  Trying not to be paranoid, but it’s a bit hard.





Another Day

I’m feeling down today.  My neck is hurting and I’m waiting for my CT Scan results to see if the cancer has spread to any of my organs.  I don’t see my oncologist until next Friday, but I’m hoping that my LTD nurse will email them to me soon.  I really don’t do well with that contrast radioactive dye they give you when they do those CT Scans.  It gives me runny diarrhea for a couple of hours after the scan and then I get really weird pale yellow stools for a several days.  I ate some seaweed to try to clean the dye out of my intestines, soaked in himalayan bath salts, and have been trying to drink some detox drinks; however my energy level has definitely been zapped.  Worrying doesn’t help either.  My arm has also been hurting me too from a Tetanus vaccine I had back in February…which also puts a dent in your immune system.

Eight year old Frack has been home now for almost 3 weeks because I have refused to let him go back to school since he came home and told me he wanted to die and he cried himself to sleep.  The psychologist told me to get him out of there; however our superintendent has turned down my plea to allow him to attend my school on compassionate grounds.  His current school wants him to stay in the class with a bully who has sent him to the hospital twice (shoved him into a wall in kindergarten, kicked him in the kidneys in Grade 1….right where he had an operation for hydronephrosis), and I just can’t do that to him.  I asked him if he wants to go back to his school today and he said, “No”.  The psychologist told me he wasn’t learning anything anyway because all he can focus on is surviving from the second he gets into the classroom, to recess, to lunch, then recess again, until he goes home at 3:00.  So now I’m home-schooling him.

Unfortunately, it has become very difficult at his school for everyone to attend a meeting to discuss my concerns and to review my son’s assessment.  I was hoping a meeting was going to take place this Friday, but their school psychologist couldn’t be there.  How much do you want to bet this meeting will take place when I have to have radiation treatment on my neck?

I must admit Frack has a real trooper and has been working diligently on the assignments I have given him.  His assessment indicated that he has some hand motor co-ordination problems so I’ve been working on correcting that.  He is now holding his pencil correctly and is doing an awesome job learning how to handwrite.  I don’t think he will need to see an occupational therapist now at this rate.  He likes to handwrite.  Frack is also having a good time using the “Draw Squad” book…where he completes different art lessons every day to improve his visual motor co-ordination.  That should help him too.  He also loves to do math, thank heavens and is working from an old grade 4 math book I like. English however, is another story.

And I’m not sure how to improve his speech articulation though (the letter r)….I’m afraid he will have to live in Boston when he grows up because he has an accent just like them.  Can’t tell my son is from Canada.  I spent $135 each for 5 lessons in December and only now got reimbursed for it (has to go to my insurance and then my husbands).  It is so cumbersome dealing with the paperwork, it’s awful…my friend Cathy comes over and does  my insurance papers for me because all I want to do is scream and cry when I see them.  This also makes me never want to go to massage therapists, naturopaths, etc. because I don’t want to deal with the paperwork.

Anyway, time for bed.

free colonoscopy



Passing of Michelle Baskie


I went to see my spine doctors nurse on Monday to check out the bump in my back.  She said it was just the screw used to attach the metal rod to the bone.  That was a relief.  My radiation doctor isn’t able to request a brain scan with the neck CT Scan (separate tests) …guess I will have to address that one with my oncologist the next time I visit him.

My kids are at camp at Gilda’s Club this week. They are off to Lego Land in a snow storm today which hopefully will be a lot of fun.

My daughter cried all the way home from camp yesterday after I told her that her last year’s teacher, Mrs. Baskie passed away that morning (diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in June).  Her former teacher was so very kind and supportive towards me and my daughter.  She had a very strong faith in Jesus Christ and I know in my heart that he is taking care of her now.  I feel bad for her husband and three boys now that she has passed, but I also know that she was in an awful lot of pain in her final days and that is not an easy way to live.   Her funeral is on Friday.

Love the ppl god gave you, need them back one day

New Tumour

I went to see my spine guy yesterday and was told they found another tumour growing….this time in my neck (C5).  So now I need to get it radiated the end of March.  No wonder I bought 2 pillows over the last couple of months.  I think my neck started hurting before it was even detected on the MRI because they didn’t see it in December and I bought a new pillow in November.  Trying not to get too worked up about it.  However, the associate started asking me questions like:   Do you have any headaches which tylenol didn’t help?  Any dizziness?  Nausea?  “Great”, I thought… “She thinks it’s in my brain too”.  I told her no, but I did have some headaches from what I thought were from the barometric pressure.  Now I question whether I should have said yes, so they can check out my brain too.  More concerning for me right now is that my back is itchy.  It’s worse after I take a shower and I think I feel a bump there, although BoBo tells me that it’s where my metal rods were inserted.  I don’t know what to think and am in a bit of a panic about that….but you would have thought if it was something, the associate would have seen it and told me about it after seeing my more recent MRI.

Frick and Frack are at home right now.  Frick has strep throat, and Frack….I’m currently not sending him to school due to issues of bullying.  So now I’m home schooling him until I figure out what to do.