Visions of Spending My Summer Vacation In Jail

July 6, 2015

bail money“I’m going to jail,” I proclaimed to Bobo after receiving an email from my accountant.  “That’s good”, responded my husband, the eternal optimist….”free medicine when you are in jail “.  Good point….never quite thought of jail in that way.

eggsRevenue Canada is auditing me once again.  Really?  Can’t they pick on someone else for once?  Why me?  The last time they audited me I had to prove I gave birth to two children and they both went to daycare.  Seriously, can they not connect to another government computer to see that my children actually exist?  Now Revenue Canada wants proof that I went to Germany for Cancer Treatment.  All this for a little over a lousy $2,000 I got back for my tax return.   Oh Crap if I have to pay any of it back.

hairSo guess what I have been doing over the last couple of days?  Pouring through past receipts, visa statements, medical records, etc.  to come up with everything I spent on transportation (flight/train), accommodation, prescriptions, food, and treatment.  I’ve got 30 days.  That’s how I started my summer vacation.  Hmmpf.

This morning I woke up in excruciating back pain in which I could barely breathe.  “I am so not going to make it until my MRI next Friday”, I thought.  May have to park myself at an ER today.  It felt like someone shot a big hole between my shoulders. On a scale of 1-10, it was a 20.  Time to call an ambulance?  Phoned my radiation guy who told me to come in.  Explained to him that I am crazy, did something stupid (played Laser Quest at my sons birthday party)  and have been seeing stars ever since.  “Possibly fractured,” he said. 

funny-pictures-ever_jpg

my own little worldI also told him I ran out of snake venom from Germany over a month ago and perhaps the cancer may be back.  His eyes and mouth opened wide in shock at the mention of the snake venom.  “Yeah, that’s right.  Snake venom.  Poisonous Snakes will kill you if they bite you, but its harmless if you ingest it…yet it prevents cancerous tumours from getting a blood supply.  That got his attention.  Big grin too.  Gotta luv da guy.

Now I would never be able to have this same conversation with my oncologist, who I imagine would just throw his hands in the air, tell me it’s quackery once again, and kick me to the curb side, because nothing but conventional medicine works.  I would oh so like to prove him wrong.  I would get such smug satisfaction in that.  I told him I was having considerable back pain lately.  The only thing I got out of him on Friday was that it, the cancer, was probably everywhere by now and I need another CT scan at the end of July.  I’m waiting to see what next weeks MRI shows before I agree to attend that one.  It happens to be scheduled on the same day as my visit to St. Annes Spa…..I won their Spa Lotto Contest for a free hydrotherapy session.  So guess where I want to be on July 30th?  Not exactly jumping through hoops to get the radiation equivalent amount of 500 X-rays when I just had that one done in April.  Besides didn’t my soothsayer doctor also tell me that I would be back to drain cancerous fluid from my lungs by now?  Did that happen?  Nope.  Well then?  Why spoil a potential beautiful day at the spa for a CT scan?  Maria O’kane got it right when she told me to “Do What You Want.  Don’t want to go to an appointment, then don’t go.”   “Fuck the doctors, they know shit”, she used to tell me.  Sometimes you just get to the point when you get sick of being told what to do and need some rest and relaxation time so you don’t go mentally insane from the bullshit.

And so the saga continues. 

old ageI asked the x-ray technician what happens if I have a fracture.  He said, “Spinal Decompression”.  “Oh shit,” I thought. “…does that mean two metal rods to hold up my back?” I asked him.  “Yup”, he answered.  “How ’bout cement?  Can they do that instead?”, I asked.   “Depends,” he answered.  “Damn those Laser Quest battery packs.”  “Damn me for being such a big kid and wanting to do things I should not be doing”.

He went to look at the film.  “Oh, you already have two metal rods in there near T 12”.  “That’s right, and it was so enjoyable the first time that I never want to experience it again.”  I think I’d rather get radiated.

My doctor phoned me a couple of hours after I got home…lucky for me it’s not a fracture causing me this grief. Spared another set of rods!   That’s a relief.

Perhaps my new back pain was due to another one of my stupid (?) moves in which a truck dumped three 2×4’s in front of my car on Bayview Avenue the other day, blocking traffic.  Me, clearly insane, put on my hazard lights, and hopped out of my car in an attempt to move them to the side.  Too heavy.  Moved them a couple of inches until two men told me to step aside so they could take them to the curb.  Thank heavens for the good Samaritans.  The driver realized his load was on the street, parked his truck, and ran back to get it.  Jumped back into my car and continued on my journey when the wood was safely removed.

Wonder if this new pain has anything to do with that German vitamin (?) capsule I’ve been taking.  The (?) means I don’t really know what is in it.  Again.  Here, let me type in the ingredients.  If any of you read German, let me know what you come up with. Looks like vitamins to me, but who knows?

Ammoniummolybdat

Tri magnesium citrat

Eisen II gluconat

Zinkorotat

Mangangluconat

Kupfersulfat

Natriumselenit

Selen ion

Time for more oxycocet and a soak in the tub.

wierd

———————————-

July 7, 2015

gratitudeFeel surprisingly good today.  Back is not great, but it’s manageable without pain meds.  Didn’t take the Vitamin Capsule.  Hmmm.  Wonder if whatever is in that German capsule likes to attack radiation sites?   My neck and pelvis was hurting yesterday too.  

Got another phone call from Sunnybrook. My MRI has been bumped up once again to this Sunday.  My radiation doctor is a saint. 

Just a thought….If nothing (cancer) shows up on the MRI, how am I going to explain this one? Hi, I was in excruciating pain for nothing…no fracture, no cancer…just a German vitamin capsule.  Hmmmm……I may be so in the dog house.  

Suggestions for a lovely gift basket?

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