Saturday, August 19
Dr Death returned this morning. He requested my husband to attend. He said he understood I had a problem with the hydromorphine pill I took the night before and I refused to take the hydromorphine pump. He then continued to tell me I’m a difficult patient. I told him all I wanted for pain was medical marijuana and we were still having problem accessing the website that he told us to order from.
Again he wanted to make sure I was crystal clear that I was dying. I think I rolled my eyes at this point. Buddy, I told him. I’ve been dealing with this for 8 long years. I should have been dead a long time ago. I was in a bad state many times before like when I had surgery on my back and I promised myself if I could get up and walk again, I would live with no regrets. And I have no regrets. I went to Paris and painted in Monet’s Garden, I went to Whistler and got on a Rocky Mountaineer Train to Lake Louise, I took my kids travelling throughout the East Coast to Hopewell Rocks and to Martha’s Vineyards. I went to Rome, Venice, and Milan. I don’t have any regrets. He said that’s good because most people he has encountered at this stage of life never did the things they wanted to do before death. I also told him I wasn’t afraid of dying because I believe in eternal life. All I worry about is my children. He said that’s good to have spirituality and children are resilient. They will be fine.
Truthfully, I don’t want them to be sad because I’m not there with them. I don’t want them to grieve that I am dead. But how can I protect them from that? I want my kids to have beautiful, happy lives full of laughter.
Bobo than asked him if I could do something else on my bucket list items and travel like on a plane to B.C. He said New York City would probably be okay because it’s close, but a five hour plane ride would mean sitting for a long time and maybe riskier. If something were to go wrong and I didn’t have a “Do Not Resuscitate” in place and the airplane had to land for a medical emergency, then the passengers could sue my estate. I started laughing and said, “You think they’d be happier to have a corpse sitting next to them?” He said they probably would not even realize what happened to you. He also said he knew of a family who had to pay $60,000 to have the body brought back to Canada. “That was stupid”, I said. They should have cremated the body and brought it back in a bottle. That would have been cheaper. He looked at me quizzically and mulled it over a bit and said I was probably right.
Bobo then asked him about what he thought about treatments in Germany and Mexico and he said they were all a sham and they just take your money. What they do is not “statistically significant”. He said there were a lot of people in this area that tried it and cancer is not something anyone can cure. (I’m thinking maybe for treatments here but someone probably has something that works better). I told him about an 80 year old woman who was suppose to have her leg removed from here because of bone cancer and was fine after getting treatment there. He shrugged and said it’s just anecdotal.
Drs here are basically brainwashed into believing that only the Drug Companies know how to deal with illness. They don’t question it. They don’t check it out to see if it has merit. It’s like a broken record. They just bury their heads in the sand.
I went to see my kids play their final baseball game today. Frick was pitching and Frack was playing first base during some innings. They played well. I was happy to get outside and see them play but it took a lot of work to get me there. The wheelchair is heavy, I can barely walk, and it takes a lot of time to get my oxygen equipment in order to move me from place to place. But I made it to their final game on Saturday and was glad.