Saturday, August 19
Dr Death returned this morning. He requested my husband to attend. He said he understood I had a problem with the hydromorphine pill I took the night before and I refused to take the hydromorphine pump. He then continued to tell me I’m a difficult patient. I told him all I wanted for pain was medical marijuana and we were still having problem accessing the website that he told us to order from.
Again he wanted to make sure I was crystal clear that I was dying. I think I rolled my eyes at this point. Buddy, I told him. I’ve been dealing with this for 8 long years. I should have been dead a long time ago. I was in a bad state many times before like when I had surgery on my back and I promised myself if I could get up and walk again, I would live with no regrets. And I have no regrets. I went to Paris and painted in Monet’s Garden, I went to Whistler and got on a Rocky Mountaineer Train to Lake Louise, I took my kids travelling throughout the East Coast to Hopewell Rocks and to Martha’s Vineyards. I went to Rome, Venice, and Milan. I don’t have any regrets. He said that’s good because most people he has encountered at this stage of life never did the things they wanted to do before death. I also told him I wasn’t afraid of dying because I believe in eternal life. All I worry about is my children. He said that’s good to have spirituality and children are resilient. They will be fine.
Truthfully, I don’t want them to be sad because I’m not there with them. I don’t want them to grieve that I am dead. But how can I protect them from that? I want my kids to have beautiful, happy lives full of laughter.
Bobo than asked him if I could do something else on my bucket list items and travel like on a plane to B.C. He said New York City would probably be okay because it’s close, but a five hour plane ride would mean sitting for a long time and maybe riskier. If something were to go wrong and I didn’t have a “Do Not Resuscitate” in place and the airplane had to land for a medical emergency, then the passengers could sue my estate. I started laughing and said, “You think they’d be happier to have a corpse sitting next to them?” He said they probably would not even realize what happened to you. He also said he knew of a family who had to pay $60,000 to have the body brought back to Canada. “That was stupid”, I said. They should have cremated the body and brought it back in a bottle. That would have been cheaper. He looked at me quizzically and mulled it over a bit and said I was probably right.
Bobo then asked him about what he thought about treatments in Germany and Mexico and he said they were all a sham and they just take your money. What they do is not “statistically significant”. He said there were a lot of people in this area that tried it and cancer is not something anyone can cure. (I’m thinking maybe for treatments here but someone probably has something that works better). I told him about an 80 year old woman who was suppose to have her leg removed from here because of bone cancer and was fine after getting treatment there. He shrugged and said it’s just anecdotal.
Drs here are basically brainwashed into believing that only the Drug Companies know how to deal with illness. They don’t question it. They don’t check it out to see if it has merit. It’s like a broken record. They just bury their heads in the sand.
I went to see my kids play their final baseball game today. Frick was pitching and Frack was playing first base during some innings. They played well. I was happy to get outside and see them play but it took a lot of work to get me there. The wheelchair is heavy, I can barely walk, and it takes a lot of time to get my oxygen equipment in order to move me from place to place. But I made it to their final game on Saturday and was glad.
I’m really not doing so hot right now and weird things are happening to me again. Remember when I had the stroke/TIA and started running backwards and I became hypersensitive to sounds? Well, now I’m hypersensitive to Wifi/EMFs. It’s really bizarre. If I go anywhere near wifi, I can’t breathe and violently cough out a lung. Phlegm spews out of me big time. I can’t even research it to find out why this is happening to me because I can’t get near a computer. Decided to try writing on notes on my iPad and then fire it up on the wifi at my sisters house when I’m outside and they turn it on.
Frack is unhappy because I had to turn off our Bell Router (internet and TV). He broke his foot playing soccer and is in an air cast. Frick sprained her elbow and was in a sling. And I’m in a wheelchair sporting an oxygen tank. The three of us look like we’ve been in an accident.
I’m living at my younger sisters house with the kids right now because I really can’t take care of myself. Preparing meals is not happening right now as it’s hard enough for me to get in the kitchen and make some toast for myself. Besides, I can’t even turn on the gas stove to heat anything up (should I blow myself up with the oxygen tank). CCAC has offered me a Personal Support Worker at 3:00 for 1 hour, three times a week. It’s kind of useless cause I really need someone to feed me at breakfast, lunch, or dinner. They are only allowed to reheat meals, give me a bath (but not if I can’t get out of the tub on my own), and light house-keeping (but only in the rooms I use and only my dishes can be washed). If I didn’t have my sisters to help me, I’d be dead by now. I don’t know what people do in my condition if they don’t have family and friends helping them.
So I didn’t fair well on my last trip to Germany. I was 105 lbs when I left and 94 lbs when I got back. It’s hard to live gluten, dairy and nut free and its so restrictive. Germany has lovely breads, pizza, pasta and sandwiches which I couldn’t eat. And I could only take so much of salads.
I have mould issues at home, leaching dental amalgams, Lyme disease and cancer. The last few minutes months have been difficult and I don’t seem to be bouncing back. I’m worried.
Today I did most of my diagnostic testing (eye photo, blood work, hands/feet photos, urine and saliva tests). Tomorrow I will find out if they can help me.
I’m worried. I am in bad shape. Hard to sleep at night when I’m constantly coughing and spitting up mucus. Don’t know if that parasite cleanse was a good or bad idea. Don’t know if my gut is reparable as so many food items are causing me grief and I don’t know if my body can handle the treament protocol given my drastic weight loss. Also worried that my cancer may be active again and what do I do about it if it is in my lungs (as my oncologist keeps insisting). One thing for sure. Not enough oxygen in my blood as it was black when I glanced at it in the vial. Shit.
I told Dr Mariam that I stopped taking the injections they gave me since January because I thought my husband hit a nerve a couple of times and I was having trouble lifting up my left leg as a result. She told me I was probably right and that she would try to put some of the injections they were going to give me in my IV instead. However, some of the stem cell ones had to be injected in the butt. That concerns me.
Its 1:30 in the morning Time for bed. I see Dr Sommer and Dr Mariam at 2:00 tomorrow so I can sleep in.
🙏Needing some prayers🙏
Decided to visit a place called Koblenz before we head off to Cologne or koln.
It was really something. We took a cable car to the Ehrenbreitstein Fortress and saw the most magnificent view of the Rhine River overlooking the German Corner (Deitsches Eck). That is where two rivers join. It was neat watching huge boats get swept away at the corner trying to get up the next river.
The fortress was quite grand too but it required a lot of walking which I am not in the best of health to do right now. It took a lot out of me and I had to take a painkiller by the time we got to a restaurant where we could rest and eat.
I’ve come to the conclusion that there are really no gluten free options at any restaurants in Germany. I’m stuck pretty much just eating salad and the odd soup if I can find one with no milk, cheese, tomatoes or wheat. However the view we had from the outside, then the inside (it was cold and we moved) was awesome.
Maria had her pint of German beer (she claims she will have one everyday until her treatment starts and then she will be good).
The fortress was immense. It guarded the waterways and railway lines. Here are some pics.
Really could have used my heating pad after that long walk but I kind of blew it up in Weisbaden the night before. I plugged it in and put it in my pillow to warm it up as I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I got back the thing was melting on my pillow. Didn’t know the voltage was so high in Europe that even with a converter, it would overheat the heating pad. The metal coils were protruding through the plastic cover. I was lucky I didn’t plug it in and take a bath because it would surely have caused a fire by the time I got back. I didn’t know what to do with the smelly burning plastic thing. I ended up shoving it on the shower floor so it would cool and disposed it in the morning.
Good thing I didn’t burn the hotel down.
I just got ALL my test results from my CarePath nurse which I requested and I’m glad I did because I got some new information.
I always ask for a copy of my report/scans when I leave my doctors office. In January, I was given only one page, that my brain wasn’t bleeding. Just like I thought…my cavernous hemangioma was occupying some land in my right cerebellum.
What I didn’t get (or was told) at that appointment was that that thing in my neck that they wanted to zap (cancerous para-spinal tissue) was GONE! Just like my German doctor said…It wasn’t cancer .
Remember? Here they wanted me in a clinical trial to get rid of “the cancer” near C6 (2 high dose treatments that had a 10% chance of breaking my neck).
So what is a poor slop suppose to do if they didn’t have this same service as me where You can request ALL your documents? How do they know if they were giving all the facts?
Makes you wonder.
P.S. I still have an interesting tale to tell you, but I’m waiting for the right time to spill the beans.
I am really going through a rough patch right now. I will explain when the dust begins to settle.
Now is just not the right time. But soon. As soon as I figure out what I’m doing about the latest crazy predicament I find myself in, I will have quite a tale to tell you. Promise.
Had a spinal MRI on December 23rd. So at my appointment on the 28th of December, I was told my cancer in my neck/spine seemed to be stable, but my brain was bleeding.
That made me think…hmmm had that test on December 23rd, if my brain was in fact bleeding, shouldn’t I be dead? Something is wrong here.
I told my radiation dr that it was probably the hemangioma I had in my brain which was found when I had a stroke. He felt “better” about that, but he still ordered me an emergency MRI which I had on Monday, 17 days later because he had not seen it on any of my previous scans.
The results? My brain is not bleeding. They just noticed my cavernous hemangioma on this prior scan and it hasn’t grown or changed since 2012 when I had my stroke.
Oh, and I don’t have any brain mets either. Glad to hear that there isn’t anything in my brain but what was always in there in the first place. However, I really am not happy I had to have that MRI because the contrast dye they give you goes through the blood-brain barrier and I’m not sure how to get it out! Who knows what chemicals I’ve got lurking in my bloody brain now? EEEK!
Thank God they found nothing because I was really concerned they were going to take my drivers license away and I don’t think I could handle that. I would go nuts.
I was already plotting what I was going to do if I got bad news. I was going to start a Go Fund Me campaign, get on a plane, and go right back to Germany for a different cancer therapy… probably a month of Curcumin IV (I’m pretty sure that goes through the blood brain barrier). But I’m stable and don’t have to think about it now. I’m convinced your prayers helped and you know who you are!
I have decided on thing though. I don’t ever want to do chemo (taxol) again because I know it will kill me and I don’t think radiation is the answer either as I’ve maxed out.
I am done with that. The answer is elsewhere. I can’t do treatment here. It doesn’t work for me. Grateful I am doing well. Big relief. Sigh.
I don’t see any doctors for 3 months now. Thank heavens. I can do without the stress. No more scanxiety till April. Hurray!
Oh I did a really stupid thing yesterday.
After Christmas celebrations at my sister and then my brother-in-laws house’s, my daughter Frick decided she wanted to do something about the blackheads on her nose. I said, “Oh Good, now look on the internet and see if you can find something natural to get rid of them”. “Okay”, she said and quickly came up with a web-site with 12 different recipes. I read them. One treatment recommended making a baking soda paste, but she didn’t want to do that. I thought the honey and cinnamon essential oil looked good. I like the smell of cinnamon and wanted to try that. She decided on just putting lemon juice on her nose for 10 minutes.
Did I tell you I bought some essential oils for only $3 at the Christmas Markets on my recent travels to Germany. That foreshadows what is yet to come. They had a whole bunch of symbols on the bottle of Zimt (cinnamon) which I didn’t recognize, nor could read.
So I made a little concoction with some honey and my new German cinnamon oil and stuck it on my nose. More drops came out than I expected, but I wasn’t worried.
Within 30 seconds of applying the paste on my face I was running around like a lunatic trying to sedate the GROWing Red, Red, REDNESS on my nose (and half my cheeks). My face was on FIRE!
I ran to the kitchen and started putting coconut oil on it to dilute it with carrier oil (that was a little trick I learned when I put peppermint oil on my temples to relieve a headache and my eyes were crying because I put it too close to them).
The oil helped my burning face a bit. Then I kept washing my face with really cold water. I was horrified at how red my face was getting. I would never be able to leave my home and go out like this. Was I scarred for life? What if its permanent? What have I done? I need my face? HELP!
I called my cousin in Australia. She is my go to person when everyone else in sleeping on this side of the world.
She calmed me down while Bobo and Frick went to Shoppers Drug Mart at 11:30 at night, (on Christmas), to find me some aloe moisturizer to calm my frying face down. They could only find stuff with chemicals in them like dyes, parabens, phthalates, parfums, PEGS, etc, etc and I didn’t want to put that on my face. So I put some calamine lotion on it which relieved some of the pain. But then that white stuff was going inside my blackhead pores and it was looking kind of like white holes in a really red face. Scary. So I took it off and put on some more coconut oil.
Frick said later that next time we should read the instructions first. You think? A budding Einstein, I’ve got here. She googled one of the words on the cinnamon bottle… something about sensitive skin. I need to learn German, really I do.
Here is my bottle of Zimt.
Not sure what the Big X stands for. Do you?
The other picture below the X looks like a dead fish.
What is that suppose to mean. The stuff in this bottle kills the environment? How ‘bout my face?
The next day….
I’m glad to report that my red face is much better today, with very few visible blackheads. Thats because the German cinnamon oil burned them to death.
I would have taken a picture of my flushing face because I knew I would blog about it today, but I was too busy screaming to find my phone.
I will never look at cinnamon the same again.
Monday December 5
Got to sleep in until 10:00 today because I didn’t have an appointment until 11:00. My eyes and brain got the usual 8 minute dose of a bio photon machine. Then I had 5 shots in the butt (combination of stem cells and some things to help my liver, spleen, gallbladder, eyes and brain.
I also got retested (hand prints and nose & forehead prints on special dark room paper) to see how my systems are functioning. Results tomorrow.
Then I had to come back to the clinic at 3:30 for a colon hydrotherapy session.
Pamela told me I was getting better. As for Bobo, he needs about 4 more sessions to clean out all the years of ancient rocks of poo embedded in the pockets of his colon. The warm water cleans out the lower section first and the stuff stuck in the upper and middle part of the colon comes down. Unfortunately Pamela has no more times available to give him another hydrotherapy session and he isn’t exactly cooperating or chomping at the bit to bend over and do it again. Every time I mention having a colon cleanse he says, “Merry Christmas, now bend over”.
Bobo and I went shopping in a mall that looks like a space ship close by. I found some really nice clothes.
Santa Claus is coming to town tomorrow in a hot air balloon! And an angel on stilts (Christkindel angel) will be there too giving out marbles! Stay tuned!
I cracked my iPad screen today into a zillion pieces and doing these blogs on my phone might become an issue. Just so ya know.