I Am No Spring Chicken

PillsI Am No Spring Chicken.

There comes a time in your life when you must stare reality in the face and come to the conclusion that you are no longer a spring chicken. Reality has hit me big time and in a big way. This is why I’m lying in bed right now with a glass of water and the very best oxycocet painkillers conveniently located by my side.

Sometimes in life we make bad choices. Our mind says, “Oh, that looks like fun. You simply must try it”. And your body says, “Are you out of your freaking mind, don’t do it”. And then, then you have these external forces…people who come out of the wood-work and say, “Oh, go on. Try it. It’s so much fun”. And you think, “Oh, what the heck, why not, just do it”…like the Nike commercial says ….just do it!

Well on Thursday, Frack decided to have his birthday party at LaserQuest. I was all for it because it involved very little planning on my part other than getting the food and no clean up.

Birthday Cake


I asked Wan (her side business is called Wan’s Wonderful Cakes) to make me something for Frack with a soccer ball on it.  She is very artistic, a definite Cake Boss.  It had his name on it and Have A Ball On Your Birthday on the side.

While there, thought it might be rather fun to shoot all those kids, including mine, with a laser gun. What can I say, I’m a big kid at heart. The last time I did this was many years ago when I took my class to the CN Tower. Part of the package deal was to play LaserTag. I barely shot anyone because I was “dead” or “inactivated” a majority of the time because I was constantly being “hit”.  All the kids in my class, including the ones that were supposedly on my team, ganged up on me. Unbeknownst to me, it was “Kill The Teacher Day.” I was their favourite target. My score card at the end of the game was dismal. All I remember was my vest constantly vibrating whilst being attacked. Little shits. You should have seen the smug looks on their faces after the game when I asked them why they shot me since we were suppose to be on the same team!

So a part of me wanted some kick-ass kiddie revenge stemming from years of pent up emotions. Besides everything for the party was set up and ready to go and I had nothing to do while they went to play and I wanted to play too. Do I sound like I’m whining now? It’s called justification for my stupid actions.

Burn your ass

Yes, in hindsight, the whole thing was a very, very bad idea… Not for the kids, just for me. I had that intuition “Oh this is going to hurt for a couple of days when I put the battery pack contraption over my head and it felt like I was piggy backing a 40 pound baby”. Not something you want to do when you have a fractured spine held together with cement and metal rods…you know, I’m just warning you, just in case something like this ever happens to you.

Needless to say, me, LaserMama kicked butt in there coming in a cool third place.
My prize? My back is seriously killing me…and smug satisfaction that this old broad ain’t done yet. One day, hopefully soon, my back will feel better and my mind will rejoice with the memory of being victorious against the little people.


girl scout

FiremenThis weeks artistic endeavour involved painting two telephone booth murals at CAMH (Canadian Addiction and Mental Health Hospital). I’d tell you to go and have a look if you are ever in the area, however, it’s located on the Psychosis Floor. Needless to say you just can’t walk in there without permission, a swipe card to open many doors, and a guard. My friend Wanetta, who works there and convinced me to do this project with her, was my art assistant and bodyguard. I also had my own personal alarm, to call in the troops, if necessary. There were times we couldn’t work on one of the telephone booths because a violent offenders room was across from it. However I got to know many of the inmates/clients by the end of the week and discovered they were really very nice young people. Some even volunteered to help. Wan is now trying to convince me to do art lessons with them in the fall. Hmmmm…let’s add that to my resume. I’d bring in some palette knives to do some acrylic paintings, but they may want to kill the teacher too.

Here are some pics. of the two finished telephone booths.

Booth 2 Booth 1





By the way, Frick came in 7th in the City Finals this week at Birchmount Stadium for Javelin Throwing.  Proud Mama.


And finally, somebody please call me a massage therapist.