Things Are Looking Up

Yesterday I was a wreak because I had to go get an abdominal ultrasound. I think I was having an anxiety attack. I was aggravated because I didn’t want to go and my appt was in the afternoon and I wasn’t suppose to eat & drink before this test. I don’t want to lose more weight. When I got there, I was given a new technician to do the test (with her supervisor in the back ground).

I stewed about it all the way home, in tears, having doubts about everything and wishing I could call Michelle or Maria to talk to them. Oh how I wished they were still alive. And then the strangest thing happened. The new Adele song came on the radio. I always associate Adele with Maria O’Kane because one time when I was over at her house her daughter Sam did a song/dance routine to one of her songs. I had to smile because I know Maria I would have said, “The Drs here know shit.”  Then the song “Don’t you worry Child, Cause Heavens Got A Plan For You” which I took as a message from Michelle who was the most religious person I knew. So I stopped letting my mind go to the dark side and just concentrated on driving, singing, and praying. My friends in heaven were communicating from the dead. Call me crazy. I don’t care. I felt them with me.

Today I had to go to my onc. for my shots and to discuss further treatment plans for me (i.e.  chemo). I did not want to go. I had some really bizarre dream last night….something about if my oncologist dumped me as a patient, it would be a good thing because my oncologists wife was doing something wrong and was evil ( I don’t even know his wife). I dunno it was really weird. Took Bobo with me for morale support.

My onc. dr was unusually quiet. Didn’t say one word about going back on chemo. He knew I went to Germany. He handed me a paper with my abdomen results which indicated there was nothing abnormal….no sign of metastatic cancer in any of my organs (liver, gallbladder, kidneys etc). “What a minute”, I said. “What about the thing that was growing at the head of my pancreas? I questioned.  What happened to it! “It’s gone” he said. “What do you mean it’s gone? I asked. “Oh there must have been something wrong with the last CT scan when they did it”, he replied.

However, it wasn’t just one CT scan that showed this thing on my pancreas, it was two. I have records on two scans that there was something there. And now, since I came back from Germany, I have one record that shows it’s gone since.

Bobo said he is puzzled. He doesn’t know what to think.

I told him I needed to get off the tamoxifen for a while because I think that was giving me the pain I was getting on my side, breathing problems, and blurry vision. He told me that was fine and if I wanted to go on it again, even 1/2 dose, I knew where to find him.

I also told him my Dr in Germany told me not to get my lung examined for 6-8 weeks because it would take time for the medicine to work. My onc said, “Sure, when do you want him to book it?”  I said after December 25th because I didn’t want to wreak my Christmas! So I have a chest CT scheduled for some time in early January.

Glad that appointment was over. Getting my shots at PMH next month, then I have to get CCAC to give them to me Christmas Eve because the hospital is closed.

So happy today! That appt wasn’t bad at all. Things are looking up!

So yah think in January if this thing on my lung is gone that he is going to believe in alternative medicine!?



GcMAF and Visit to Another Cancer Clinic

October 23

I’m at the airport waiting for my flight that Toronto. This is an enormous airport and I had to go to 3 tax free centres to try to reclaim the 19% sales tax on the very little I bought while I was over here. Prices are steep here, especially for clothes.

Just wanted to tell you a little bit about another Clinic I went to in a very, very small town. When I arrived at the train station, there was no one there. And I mean no one. Empty, boarded up train station building that looked like something out of a ghost town movie.

I went there to discuss other treatment options which are not available at my clinic like dendritic cell vaccine, immunotherapy, and GcMAF. It’s a private clinic with a large price tag attached. We’ll see what comes out of my $300 consultation fee. I sent my pertinent medical information in August. I was planning on hiring a taxi when I arrived, but there is no one at the train station to hire. Thank heavens I had my phone and I called the clinic to ask them to call a cab for me. It arrived pretty quickly. Cost me $3.70 (around $6) just to get into the taxi. I ended up paying $30 euros ($45) return. That’s a lot for a 8 minute ride. Nothing but green pastures and a couple of houses to see.

The clinic was pristine. Brand spanking new, but I only saw one patient there when I toured the place. I think I would go nuts if I had to stay there one or two weeks. No one in the cafeteria. No one in the apartments or the weight/fitness room. Just people who worked there. Where are all the patients? Very strange.

According to the taxi driver, there are very few restaurants in town (and I bet you they aren’t open late either).

I spoke to a woman Doctor who had only been there for 2 months and couldn’t answer all of my questions. That cost me $300 (amount will deducted if I do treatment there). From what I understand the immunotherapy treatment may only put me in remission for 6 months – year…not necessary a cure, but a possibility? I told her that my oncologist told me I was nuts to do it because it could attack my healthy cells. First she said, “I don’t know why he would say that. Perhaps he is old and doesn’t understand the newest technology available.” Later when I asked about side effects she did say in a round about way, that it could make you immune system not turn off. I’m guessing that means you can get a fever that doesn’t go down and kills you.

I think I’ll be sticking to the little piggy stem cells.

She didn’t seem to think dendritic cell vaccines and GcMAF was terribly effective. And she couldn’t tell me the costs (although I know a person from London who is doing this treatment and she said it was roughly $50 000 cdn dollars just to get the tumour analyzed for markers.

The next day, I spoke to the oncologist in charge of my case by phone. He basically started to go on a roll about check point markers. I know I have a mutant pathway called P13k so he may have a shot/vaccine to get that one shut down. However, cancer may have many pathways. He said if I had the PD1 pathway I would probably need 4 shots at $10,000 each. That’s $60,000 cdn dollars.  Like how crazy is that? So basically, I would need to give them an open cheque book for them to treat me. Different shots for different pathways.

Meanwhile, the spice turmeric/curcumin can shut down about 53 different pathways and costs a fraction of the price at your nearby grocery store and as far as I know, no one has ever died from it.

While I was there I got my blood tested ($225) for Nagalase, something your body needs to improve your immune system and turn off cancer cells. It looks like the vaccines we get from the doctor (measles, mumps, tetanus, etc) turns it off. GcMAF puts it back in. I figured there must be something to this treatment since 6 doctors from Florida that were successfully treating autistic children and cancer patients all died mysteriously a few months ago. One of them, a prominent naturopath, was found dead in a river with a gun shot wound in the chest three days after the FDA went to his clinic and took his computers/files. Another doctor mysteriously died suddenly in his clinic of heart problems, when he was never know to have any. Not sure how the others died, but then the Company in Europe where they made the GCMAF was quickly shut down.

However this clinic I went to knows where to get it because its also manufactured somewhere in Germany. I should get my results by mail in a few weeks.

My Slumpy Day

Dark SideMy Slumpy Day

After getting my head out of a bad space before my awesome trip to British Columbia, I am back in the gutter once again.  Having cancer it’s like being on a roller coaster and I’m on the downside right now.

restaurant serviceIt started on Friday at my oncologist appointment.  He was being followed by two new recruits.  Told my nurse that having shots at a Scarborough clinic instead of PMH was not going well.  The first guy didn’t get it right and I didn’t like being stabbed more than once.  And the next time when I asked for someone who knew how to administer this kind of shot in the stomach, they gave me a nurse who told me she was shocked at how big the needle was. She said she gave large needles to pregnant women in the hospitals before but this needle was much bigger than that and she didn’t really know what to do with it. That really made my confidence soar.  Anticipating disaster before a needle is always fun.  She took her time inserting it in me which was torture and apologized profusely throughout the procedure.  Not going back.  I need someone who knows what they are doing.  Basically was told too bad because they are doing needles at PMH anymore. 

I wasn’t sure I needed that shot anyway because now that I’m taking tamoxifen once again, that should stop my periods from coming back. My onc. agreed and I have one less shot going in my stomach..the big needle with the hollowed out center for a pellet to go shooting in there.  Unfortunately tamoxifen is the drug that once gave me a stroke, so I’m not exactly happy to be on this drug again.  However it does help your bones, not like the other hormone drugs that wreck your bones and give you osteoporosis.  And guess what?  Since PMH is no longer doing my needles, my husband is now going to learn how to give me the other shot in the stomach.  Do you believe this?  Cutbacks.  We can no longer provide you with someone to do your needles, so guess what, you are on your own!  Bullshit.  That is what it is. 

12109198_10207750090212940_1271571996916088075_nI asked my oncologist if he would mind writing me a letter so that I could get immunotherapy treatment in Germany.  He gave me a letter all right. It’s stated quite in emphatically in BOLD that he did not support what I was doing in Germany, that there was no scientific proof that it works, nor did he recommend the treatment.  In other words getting support from OHIP for my medical costs is not going to happen.  Immunotherapy treatment is about $50,000.00, but it can cure me while everything else can just stunt the lousy cancer until it finds its way to grow back again.  There are ZERO per cent studies being done on my type of cancer…apparently only 7 per cent of cancer research funds are allotted to metastatic cancer patients….guess they figure we are going to die anyway, so what’s the use?  Instead the goofballs use the stupid money they get for ads telling people to check their breasts for lumps.  Idiots.  And what really pisses me off about the Pink Ribbon Campaigns is that they keep touting they are so close to finding a cure.  Really?  I don’t think so.  How many years have they been searching for a cure?  Still using the same drugs developed in the war to kill soldiers to kill cancer (and the patients too).  The FDA is making too much money…something like $270,000 for 5 years per patient.  Do they really want to find a cure?  Really?  Sorry for my skepticism…. I’m on a whirl.

11254572_10206274324069706_4652111085599174120_nOn top of all this, I’m currently battling Revenue Canada who is not acknowledging my medical costs from the last two times I went to Germany. I don’t know if you have ever dealt with Revenue Canada but trying to call them on the phone is hell. Unless you phone between 8:15 to 8:30 in the morning you will NOT get through. However if you go to a nearby government office you can pick up one of their phones and get a direct line. So this is exactly what I did. I finally talked to a human being to see if they received my family doctor’s note and if they could re-examine my claim. She couldn’t do anything because it was on my husband’s taxes and she couldn’t give me any info information about it. I told her it was ridiculous because it was my medical claims that they were disputing. So she said my husband would have to phone Revenue Canada (at 8:15 am) and maybe he will get through. Like he has time to keep dialing Revenue Canada all day while he’s at work.  It’s so frustrating. Been 3 days.  Didn’t get through.  Nearest person to talk to us is in Sudbury which I would be happy to drive over there and do a sit in, but you better believe it will be fortified against intruders like me. 

Dealing with Revenue Canada is kind of like dealing with Bell Canada… get the runaround. I have also been after them (Bell) for the last four months for telephone and Internet service. I told them I was paying too much money for my Internet service for what I was getting, so they offered me a new modem. After the worker left, a new nightmare began because he cut the cord to my telephone line and disappeared for the day.  I had no phone and then had to call them on my cell phone for 1 1/2 hours to get them to send someone else to fix my new problem. Then I had an ugly temporary wire hanging between my house and my next-door neighbors house. I had to phone Bell about 65 times to ask them to bury the wire.  Finally it’s been done, but only after relentlessly calling them.  I thought I was going to lose my mind.

Further woes include our fairly new fridge which is doing some strange things…it’s still under warranty but they can’t send someone to fix it until I’m back from Germany. 

11703365_1087861577909176_5585447011518671387_nAnd I am heart-broken because one of my friends (Lynn Manwar) with metastatic breast cancer passed away.  She also refused chemo when she got METS and felt it would have killed her sooner if she had done it.  I was supposed to go with her to a lunch gala on Sunday in support of breast cancer.  She was a part of the unveiling of calendar in which she was dressed in a beautiful gala dress as she was one of the models.  She invited me to go with her, but I told her that I wasn’t sure it would be a good idea to go because I was returning from British Columbia at 11 o’clock Saturday night and I might be too tired.  She told me not to worry because there were plenty of other events like this and I could go to the next one with her.

I was shocked when I went on Facebook to look for postings of the luncheon I missed and there was nothing.  Instead of seeing her smiling face, what I saw was a posting from her brother informing us on Facebook that she had died.  Her aunt told me at the visitation that they were all putting on their dresses on for the event when they got a call from the hospital telling them to get there fast.  Needless to say, there was an empty table at the event. 

This all really sucks.  It’s so painful to see people we know and like die of this dreaded disease.

Hope your day is better than mine.

I’m glad I went away, however it’s hard to come back to this.

Mother’s Day Art





I went to see a new naturopath in Etobicoke which turned out to be somewhat of a disaster.



He gave me some supplements which are currently bothering my heart.  Went back to him today to see if I could get my money back…he only gave me 50% of what I paid for.  What I got was a trip to the ER (heart failure symptoms again, I’m afraid…just when I was doing so well in that department and the cardiologist told me I didn’t need to come to see him).  Oh well, c’est la vie.  There goes another couple of hundred dollars.  He made me feel that if I walked out of that place without his treatment, I was doomed.  Not happy.


(if you want instructions of the art project above, you can go on Pinterest, Maria Pisani, Art for Young Kids, Bubble Paint Hydrangeas).

When I went to see my oncologist, he asked me if I was going to go on any kind of treatment because of whatever they seem to think they have found in my lungs.  I told him that my benefits package included an oncology nurse and doctors and they seemed to think I should go back on tamoxifen (the one that gave me a TIA/stroke).  He told me the chances of that helping at all were slim (10%) as we had exhausted all the other estrogen drugs he gave me.  I told him, “Oh well.  I’m weird.  Maybe I’ll be in that 10% group where it does me some good and it stabilizes my cancer.  You never know”.  Guess who really and truly needs to buy a cell phone now?  My dr. also said that in the next 3-4 weeks, I may experience fluid in my lungs which may need to be drained.  Thankfully, that hasn’t happened.  I think I’m good.  I’m going to have a chest x-ray in another month to see what’s happening in my lungs.

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Sending you some of the projects I worked on for Mother’s Day.


Grade 5


IMG_0351IMG_0350We went out for dinner with my family (hubby, sisters, mom & dad, nephews, brother-in-law etc.) on Saturday.

And then on Sunday, we took a leisurely drive to Richter’s Herbs to buy some organic plants, herbs and vegetables for the garden while my housekeeper cleaned the house.  Stopped by a quaint little bakery and had lunch and then ice cream at Musselman’s Lake.

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Overall, quite a lovely day.

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Grade 4

By the way, guess who’s volleyball team won the championships?  That’s right.  Undefeated.  Here’s our pennant.  I’d post a pic. of our team, but I don’t want to infringe on anyones media rights!